I feel like I usually give people pretty good advice. I’m very good at creating solutions for people and reasoning out the most sensible path to take.
I’m always preaching how positivity is key. And finding ways to reduce stress.
I’ve done a pretty good job at that – until recently.
I’ve really been struggling to find myself – or what I’m going to do in the future. Right now, I work full-time. I’m also health and fitness coaching, and I’m blogging. But at the moment, it isn’t a financially sustainable route for our family.
I feel like I have this looming decision when my current position ends in August. To be honest – it’s kinda driving me crazy.
Do I keep searching for a position in the field I got my degree in?
Do I try to continue at the job I’m at?
Do I do something completely different and find a way to pursue what my obvious passions are?
Will I be okay with that if I do?
My real struggle is that I honestly don’t enjoy what I’m doing right now. (Don’t give me the ‘Oh she’s a millenial eyeroll. I’m more than happy to pay my dues if I know it’s the direction I want and need to go.) I took this job mainly because it was my only option, but I really envisioned it to be completely different. I guess I can’t really say right now what I pictured it to be, but it’s just not it. It’s really slow right now without a ton of work, and I’ve found myself very bored. I guess you never really know what you don’t like unless you try it though, so I can at least say I gave it a shot.
Part of the reason is that Chemistry PhDs are finding themselves in an awkward hiring situation just like many others. You need to have experience for the jobs you want, but how to you get the experience if no one will hire you without experience?
What I’ve deduced, is that I FEEL like I’ve always been really awesome at whatever it is I’m doing. School, job, whatever. And I just can’t feel awesome at this job. I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel frustrated.
To compensate for this, I thought maybe blogging a TON and trying to develop my blog further would help me feel fulfilled.
In reality it just made me stressed out to the max. I put so much energy into it – I felt like I was negatively impacting my own quality of life. It was like I was giving myself two full-time jobs for a while.
I was confused and really upset for about a week when I realized what I was doing – and that I was unhappy. I loved blogging, so how was it making me unhappy? Or was it something else? A couple of weekends ago, Kyle and I talked more about it. He’s fully supportive of whatever decision I make – as long as it is really what I want.
After our talk, my current stance is to just be the best I can at my job. I know that it is the stepping stone I need if I want to stay in my current field – so I need to keep that in the back of my mind, even if it isn’t the ultimate direction I want to go.
I’m going to keep up with a new blogging schedule that won’t drive me crazy (Sunday, Tuesday, Friday), and keep on coaching. Because these things DO make me happy when they are balanced in the right way. I definitely don’t want to quit any of it, so I think this is a way that I can make it all work.
I have some decisions to make on what I want to do with my career – if I go full fledged career switch – or maybe if I teach, which would give me a more flexible schedule to design a life mixed with my educational background and my life passions.
Either way – I need to make a promise to myself to STOP being stressed out. It’s totally NOT worth it.
So I’m taking our honeymoon to ENJOY life. Refresh and recharge.
I intend to come back with a much better attitude and make some concrete decisions and goals that will get me where I want to be!
Thanks for listening to my out-pour of frustrations and feelings. Any advice you might have for me would be thoughtfully considered. 🙂
Love and health,